The Longest Nights
by GreyMurphy
Summary: "For someone like Sirius Black, this endless stretch of darkness had filled up his life for nearly 12 years. He had been abused as a child, he had bullied several students while in school, and he had killed. But what most haunted him was the morning his heart was broken." Sirius/Lily, An exploration of a broken man. AU, rating for language.


**AN: I don't own Harry Potter or anything you recognize in this story. I am rather proud of this plotline though. I hope you will read and enjoy my story enough to review.**

 **This story has been sitting on my computer since March 2017. I figure if I clear my head (and my hard drive), I might get back to the big story. Who knows.**

 **I know how picky some readers can be about dates (I am, so I assume others are as well), so I want to put this in here now. I pushed the Marauder's graduating class back 2 years, so they graduate in 1976 instead of '78. This also means that all those older characters are 2 years older, i.e. the Potters were 23 when they died, not 21. It's stupid, but it gave me some wiggle room to work with in regard to the characters. Harry is still born in 1980.**

 **Inspired by _Intangible_ by Lady Bracknell. Hope they don't mind. **

* * *

There are some days that you will remember for the rest of your life. Most of these days will be good. Too many of them will not. Getting through means remembering the good days.

Now, what makes a place like Azkaban so horrible is that it takes everything good about your life, and replaces it with the bad. The brief moments of pain, heartbreak, sorrow, and misery are all you can think of, and you can't see the rainbow for the rain clouds.

For someone like Sirius Black, this endless stretch of darkness had filled up his life for nearly 12 years. He had been abused as a child, he had bullied several students while in school, and he had killed. But what most haunted him was the morning his heart was broken. He had only ever harbored a seed of hope that she might love him in return, and for a few glorious hours, she had. But that seed had rotted away, leaving him without hope. Upon her death, he had lost all sense of reason, and that was ultimately the cause of his suffering in Azkaban.

Lily Potter nee Evans.

She had ensnared the hearts of four men, who orbited about her like planets around a star. And he and the other two had gotten burned in favor of his brother, James.

While in school, three of the four had banded together as brothers, vowing to be each other's family while at Hogwarts and beyond. They had become closer than blood and had promised to always have each other's back.

Little did they know that a little red-headed muggleborn would prove to be their undoing.

James had been the first of the three to stake a claim, in third year. When they had boarded the express home following second year, he had been adamant that girls had cooties and refused to let any girls share their compartment. On the way back, he had been a veritable little player, smarming every girl that passed their compartment and trying to tempt a few to come in. When Lily had walked past, James had been laying it on thick, right up to the point she kneed him in the crotch.

Once he had recovered, he had made a promise on what remained of his honor that he would get a kiss from Lily Potter before they graduated.

Once that promise was made, there was no way that Sirius or Remus would ever get in the way of James pursuing Lily.

Remus had had countless opportunities to woo her, as they were typically partners in classes. They were the top two Gryffindors in their year, and in many cases were two of the top students overall in their year, beating out much of Ravenclaw and Slytherin. It came as little surprise then when both he and Lily got the fifth-year prefect-ship. James was feeling a little huffy, right up until Remus promised not to make any sort of move on Lily. Only Sirius knew just how much it hurt Remus to be that close to Lily, constantly, and not be able to pursue her. As the years went by, she had made several advances, only for Remus to rebuff her. It broke his heart, and to see her crying after only served to break Sirius' heart too.

He himself had had countless opportunities to initiate something with Lily, but he had been careful to always remain as a brother to James in her eyes, making him immediately safe to flirt with jokingly. He would laugh and save his tears for his pillow and several silencing charms. It also fueled his playboy persona, as he tried futilely to move on.

Snivellous was the other part of the damned trio of admirers, but he had it even worse. Lily had been his best friend since childhood, and when Lily had been sorted into Gryffindor rather than Ravenclaw like they had planned, he had been too distracted to stop the hat from placing him in Slytherin. That had spelled the beginning of the end for their close bond, driving the wedge of house division between them. Sirius almost felt bad for him, until he remembered that he was competition. Remus had felt the same way for the first few years of the rivalry but had begun to see just how much he loved Lily, and he couldn't hate someone who was so obviously intelligent and aware enough to love Lily. So Sirius and James had hated for him, nearly killing him at one point only for James to get cold feet.

Sirius wasn't proud of his younger self. He knew now just how badly that could have ended, not only for himself but for everyone: Remus, James, Lily, Hogwarts, Dumbledore, and especially Snape. He too had come to the conclusion that Snape at least had his head on straight when it came to Lily, and so that hatred had faded to a dull roar every time he saw him, rather than an intense bloodlust.

The final year of Hogwarts saw Lily finally giving in to James' advances, and a scant two months after graduation they were married. They had both graduated near the top of their class, N.E.W.T. wise, and had been the Head Boy and Girl, so they both had great futures ahead of them. The war had been going on for more than 5 years, starting as they had all gone off to Hogwarts for their third year, so Sirius and James immediately signed up for the Auror Corps. Remus went job hunting but his furry little problem always prevented him from getting the job his grades merited. Peter worked as a cook in a shady tavern just inside Knockturn Alley but managed to save and scrimp enough to share a flat with Remus. Lily had decided to pursue a charms mastery, but before she could complete it, she and James went into hiding.

The dirty rat bastard became the Secret Keeper and wrote down the secret so Sirius could share it with Remus or whoever else he needed to. That was why Dumbledore believed he had betrayed the Potters, that blasted little slip of parchment. The ironic thing was Sirius still had it on him when he was thrown in Azkaban, having only been seen by Dumbledore, Remus and himself.

* * *

After escaping, he had been on the run for two years before being cooped up in Grimmauld Place. He was stuck there, with no chance to go outside. Molly had tried to cheer him up by moving her brood in, but he was sick of the whole clan now. Molly with her incessant need to clean, Ron and Ginny with their whining and complaining about Harry, and those two wannabe pranksters. He would admit, they were great inventors, but they're "pranks" were just bullying the Slytherins, and harassing everyone else. People weren't laughing, they were afraid to get on the twins' bad side. The Marauders were all about making people laugh. Those two schmucks only do it to turn a profit. He was thankful he had convinced them all to just go home, as they would probably feel more comfortable at the Burrow than in the dark ancestral home of the Blacks.

"Kreacher." The sound of his voice temporarily filled the empty room, only to retreat again in the face of the loud -CRACK- that came as the house elf appeared.

"What does Master want Kreacher to do?" the mangy elf growled. "Dirty disgrace, what would mistress think, oh how the mighty House of Black has fallen…" Sirius just barely heard his disparaging mutterings, just as Kreacher meant him to.

'No doubt hoping to have his head hung on the wall rather than serve me,' Sirius thought, 'but I don't want to cook and I definitely don't want Molly to come back on the pretense of me needing someone to cook for me.' So he was stuck with the elf.

"Make some dinner, enough for two."

"Master will be having a guest? … disgraced Master brings more blood traitors and half-breeds into the noble House of Black…"

Sirius shook his head. "The extra is for you to take to Harry."

While no one else seemed to care about Harry, he would make sure the boy got enough food, and at least some way to tell someone cared about him beyond his "friends."

* * *

 _... unders-stand how this c-could happen?" Lily sobbed. "Doesn't he know I w-would do anything for him? And yet h-he goes off with that_ slut _Michelle Cooper?"_

 _Sirius and Lily had met at the same bar as usual, but this time Lily had stumbled in 10 minutes late and already drunk. Sirius was still debating the merits of trying to catch up to her._

 _James, his brother, had cheated on his wife, the woman Sirius had loved since Hogwarts._

 _And now Lily was drunk, practically laying in his arms as she cried her heart out to Sirius._

 _How in the name of Merlin's left kidney was he supposed to react? He was in shock, but also quietly hopeful. This was his chance, his moment to finally tell Lily how he felt, that she could leave James._

 _But he couldn't do that. He had no right, even though he desperately wanted to._ He _should be the one taking her home,_ He _should be the one to love her for the rest of her life. James had only pursued her on a whim, seeing her as a challenge to be won. And he succeeded. Remus, Snape, and Sirius had lost, and yet here he was with a second chance. Here was the moment he had dreamed of for years._

 _"Bugger…" Sirius let out under his breath. He would give James one last chance. If he screwed it up, Sirius was going to do his best to make sure Lily had a good life._

 _"Lily, I'm going to take you to my apartm-" he trailed off. Lily had fallen asleep, still crying on Sirius' shoulder. Her crimson hair mussed and her face covered in tear-trails, she was still heart-breakingly gorgeous. There was nothing he wouldn't do; no one he wouldn't face down as long as she never had to look so devastated ever again._

 _He scooped her up in his arms and walked out, stone-cold sober. He was going to take her home, and make sure she would be comfortable. Then he would confront James._

* * *

Upon waking, Sirius groped around for anything that might relieve the massive pain in his skull. He hadn't felt this bad since-

Sirius broke off that thought, realizing that that road only held pain, but of a kind he couldn't drink a potion and forget.

His hand hit a bottle in the drawer he was rooting around in and brought it to his face.

 _Ah, a hangover potion. Good thinking past me._

He drank it quickly, grimacing at the oatmeal texture, and rotten fish taste. At least it was a quicker nasty than walking around for the next few hours feeling like he did.

Every time something bad happened, his response was to drink a few bottles of fire whiskey, to dull the ache and avoid it sticking in his brain like any of his past bad memories. These wouldn't be added to the arsenal of the Dementors, not if he could help it.

One major downside was that he ran through a lot of liquor in these dark times.

Another was that he woke up feeling like a runover squirrel, that wasn't quite dead yet.

This time, it was hearing that Harry was being called in for a trial, due to a self-defense charge of Underage Magic. Not only that, but he had been defending himself against a pair of dementors; knowing that Sirius' worst nightmare was having his soul eternally trapped inside a demon, and you quickly have a bad situation.

Harry's trial was in two days, and he had a lot of work to do.

* * *

 _Sirius' one-room apartment was Spartan, a bed, a couch, a table, and two chairs were the extent of his furniture. His kitchen was hardly used, and the bathroom was tiny and cramped._

 _At that moment, he didn't even care. He was holding Lily in his arms, carrying her in to let her sleep off her grief and hangover._

 _Once he got her settled in his bed, he slumped down on the couch, and simply watched the rise and fall of the blanket he had thrown over her. His mind drifted to long restless nights dreaming of having Lily Evans in his bed, and he couldn't stop a bitter laugh escaping from his lips._

 _Who would have thought that those fantasies would come true, but that it would cost more than he ever imagined?_

 _James, his brother, his best friend, was a no-good, dirty rotten bastard, an adulterer and a liar._

 _Sirius stood up, anger written in every line of his body. It was time to confront the dirty prick._

 _He apparated to Godric's Hollow and stormed up the garden path. It had been nearly an hour since Lily saw James and whatever her name was going at it, so hopefully, the two would be done by now._

 _He opened the door and stalked back to the bedroom. Hearing muffled noises, Sirius wasn't sure if he was happy he could catch him in the act, or sad that James was so disrespectful as to keep going after Lily saw him._

 _He burst into the room, wand drawn and stinging hex ready, and was rewarded with a clear shot of James' pale white arse. Sirius didn't waste the opportunity._

 _James yelped, and spun around to see his friend standing at the door. "What the fuck, Sirius?! Can't you see I'm in the middle of something?"_

 _Sirius gave him one incredulous look, before glaring at the offending 'something' lying in Lily's marital bed, with a sheet pulled hurriedly up around her neck._

 _"Get the fuck out of here, whatever your name is. I need to talk to James." The girl seemed reluctant to get up with Sirius just standing there, but with a small movement from Sirius' hand, she remembered that he had a wand and she was stark naked. Better to just do what he said._

 _After the blonde was gone, Sirius turned back to James. "You bastard. Did you even pause after Lily saw you two going at it?"_

 _James paled a little, a remarkable feat given his already pasty skin tone. "Lily knows? H-how did she find out?" His eyebrows came together, and he took a step forward. "Did you tell her Sirius? What did you say to her?" He was brought up short by a very angry red glow coming from Sirius' wand, aimed straight for his genitals._

 _"Give me_ one _fucking reason, James. Take one step closer, say one thing I don't like, and all you will be able to do is piss out of that pathetic thing you call a dick because your balls will be rolling about at your feet."_

 _James pulled back, hand moving instinctively to protect himself._

 _"I didn't have to tell her a bloody thing, James. She walked in on you two earlier. Are you telling me you didn't even notice her there?" James shook his head, eyes wide. "I can't do this. I_ cannot _do this. James, put some clothes on, then meet me downstairs. I'm calling in an Imperative."_

 _Years ago, the Marauders had come up with the concept of an Imperative, where the others would instantly drop everything to help the one who called it in. In this case, it meant that James had to hear Sirius out, start to finish._

 _Several minutes later, a sheepish James Potter walked into the front den, where Sirius sat staring into the fire he had set. James gingerly lowered himself into a chair across from his friend but didn't say anything._

 _It felt like an eternity later, but Sirius finally spoke up. "Lily is someplace safe, sleeping off the massive bender she's on. James, I need to tell you, I've never seen her so angry, or so sad. Her heart is broken, completely." Sirius kept his eyes on the flames, not daring to look up at his friend, not sure what he would do if he had to look at the bastard._

 _James started to talk, only to have the words stall in his throat as Sirius stopped him with a raised finger._

 _"No. You don't get to talk yet. I-" Sirius shook his head. "I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you for this, James." Now Sirius looked up from the fire, but not at James. He merely looked at the pictures on the mantle, of his two best friends happy and in love. His gut twisted, as he saw one picture of them kissing at their wedding, while in the background a crowd of wizards and witches stood cheering._

 _"You need to fix this. I don't know how, but you need to get it through your thick skull that you have, literally, the most amazing witch alive as your wife. She is the smartest, the most beautiful, the most kind-hearted woman I have ever met. And she loves you, is completely devoted to you in fact. She would have done anything for you."_

 _Sirius finally looked over at his friend. James was sitting absolutely still, glaring at his friend. "The way you talk about her, she might as well be your wife. Or have you already fucked? That bi-,"_

 _He didn't get to say anything else._

 _Sirius had calmly stood up, and promptly kicked him in the head._

 _James was propelled out of the seat, onto the floor. Sirius followed him over and gave him another kick, this one to the ribs. "Wake up, James, and listen to what I just said. Lily is completely devoted to you. She would have done absolutely anything for you. SHE LOVED YOU and- YOU FUCKING BASTARD! -YOU_ CHEATED _ON HER!"_

 _Sirius moved to the door. He had given James a chance. It was time to go back to Lily. He didn't spare a glance back at the pile of cold hippogriff shit laying on the floor._

* * *

Sirius' first thing to do, was to find a lawyer for Harry. He would not be walking into that trial without some form of help, not when the odds were already against him. He even had a plan on who to ask.

His cousin Andromeda had been a burgeoning lawyer when he went into prison, hopefully, she was still able to run a case. And hopefully, she would be willing to help him.

Nymphadora had mentioned that her mother wasn't willing to rejoin the order, mostly because she didn't want to have to face her family in battle. She had, however, given her word to come if needed, whether it be to consult or for a specific mission where no one else would do. But Sirius had a feeling that a small part of her refusal had to do with his presence in the Ancestral Home of the Blacks.

No matter the reason, he hoped she would be willing to help Lily's son.

He called into the floo the address of the Tonks' and waited. It didn't take long before a familiar head of pink hair appeared amid the flames.

"Hey Siri, what's up?" a grin plastered across his little cousin's face.

"Hey Nym, I need to talk to your mom. It's really urgent."

Tonks grimaced at even the abbreviation of her hated name, but nodded. "I think she's upstairs. Do you want me to send her through? Or can she just stick her head through?"

Sirius shook his head. "Better come through completely. She'll probably hate being back here, but I wouldn't ask her to come if I didn't think it was absolutely vital."

Tonks nodded, and she disappeared. The flames died down, and Sirius made his way back to the kitchen to wait. She'd probably take a few minutes to gather herself, and he couldn't blame her.

Sirius put a pot of water on, absently considering whether she would want a dark tea or an herbal blend. It had been several years since they had had occasion to have tea together, so he wasn't sure what she would want.

He was startled out of his contemplation by a quiet voice behind him. "I'll take the darkest tea you have, or coffee if you have that. This place always saps me something fierce."

He turned to face the voice and nearly fell over in his hurry. His cousin was standing in the doorway of the kitchen, arms crossed in front of her, but her wand in her hand and tapping against her upper arm. The occasional spark resulting from said action was not reassuring Sirius regarding her intentions.

"Hey, Andi. You're looking good." He trailed off a little awkwardly, unsure of what to say to her after nearly 14 years apart.

"Hey, Siri. Nymphadora made it sound urgent?" She looked expectantly at him, the signature Black eyebrow arch aimed his way.

"Yeah, I need your help. Harry's in trouble with the Ministry, for something he didn't do."

Andromeda's countenance immediately shifted into a much more open, less aggressive stance. "Lily's boy? What do you need?"

* * *

 _Sirius stormed back down the front path of the Godric's Hollow house, leaving behind the wards and making it several houses down before twisting and apparating back to his flat. He took a deep breath before he unlocked his door, and crept in quietly. He closed and locked the door, then turned and walked back to the couch. He didn't even remove his travel cloak before slumping back into the worn groove of the couch._

 _"Oh, Lily. Why does it have to be so hard? Every day since Hogwarts, I've woken up dreaming of you lying next to me, and every time my eyes open I feel that dream slip a little farther away. And now, here you are and I have no idea what to do next."_

 _Sirius buried his head in his hands, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes. He wanted to scream, as his own heart broke at his brother's betrayal, at his love's agony, and worse, at his own impotence when all his dreams were so close to coming true._

 _He knew he could never really sweep her off her feet, carry her into the sunset. He was earning a decent wage as a Hitwizard, but he had no real future. All hope for meaningful promotion was denied to him as a blood traitor, and all his plans revolved around just surviving each encounter with the enemy. James had nearly twice his income as a pureblooded Auror, even if he was technically a blood traitor. As a_ Potter _, the rules were_ bent _a little when it came to blood-purity._

 _He shrugged off his coat and draped it over himself. Just as he began to get comfortable, he heard a quiet murmur from the bed. Instantly, he was over by Lily's side, sleep forgotten._

 _"It's okay, Lily, I'm right here. It's Sirius, I'm right here."_

 _Lily blearily opened her eyes, squinting at him, eyes still slightly bloodshot, her cheeks blotchy, and her nose still a little runny._

 _"Siri? W-why did h-he do it? I gave him ev-everything?! I don't u-understand Siri!" Lily's murmuring fell away as new tears began to track down her face, and quiet sobs began to rack her body._

 _Sirius nudged her over, and climbed into the bed next to her, and just held her. Lily latched onto him, clinging onto his solid body like it was the only thing keeping her from descending into an abyss._

 _He didn't know how long they stayed like that, but at some point Lily had fallen asleep, curled up on top of him, his arms wrapped around her, and her arms still clinging to his shoulders and back. He brushed away a lock of hair from her face, just looking at the angel in his arms, tear tracks and mussed hair and all._

 _At the slight movement, Lily stirred, and she pulled herself closer to Sirius if that was possible. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, and a garbled 'Siri' emerged from the meeting of flesh._

 _Sirius felt a rush of emotions, ranging from regret that she ever had to feel this way, elation that she could identify him just by smell, and anger that James had ever hurt such a divine creature._

 _Sirius turned his head gently, and pressed his lips to the crown of her head, placing a gentle kiss there. It wasn't the first such kiss, but it was the first time Sirius had done it in such a position, and it took on a whole new meaning._

 _Lily pulled away slightly, and Sirius' blue eyes met the shining emerald green eyes he had fallen so deeply into love with._

 _"Make me forget Sirius. Take away the pain, please…" Sirius was aghast. Surely she didn't mean for him to Obliviate her? To strip her of the memories of the affair? He knew that it was probably the only thing that could save her marriage at this point, but he didn't know if he had the strength._

 _"Lily, are you sure? You want me to… to obliviate you?" Sirius' voice shook slightly at the dreaded word._

 _Lily shook her head. "No, I want that memory etched into my mind forever. No, I want you to make me forget that I ever loved James. I want you to make love to me Sirius. Take away this pain, please Siri?" Lily's voice trailed off, a slightly uncertain look on her face, and a blush just beginning to tint her cheeks a rosy pink. "I mean, I just thought… i-if you still have any feelings for me, after I made a fool of myself with James. I can't give you my virginity, I'm soiled goods. Y'know what, just forget abo-" she was abruptly cut off by a pair of lips making violent contact with her own._

 _"I never stopped loving you, and I_ never _will_. _"_

 _Lily looked into his eyes and saw a hopeful desperation beginning to bloom there. And then she was crashing into him, lips meeting, hands groping for the hem of his shirt as his own wound around her back, drawing her into him._

* * *

The day of the trial found Sirius pacing the carpet in front of the fireplace, anxiety nearly eating him up inside. His pup was on trial on false charges, and if things didn't go according to plan, Harry could end up being kicked out of the Wizarding world for good; wand snapped, magic bound, eternal shame, etc.

The worst part is they had only left twenty minutes ago, and there was little hope of hearing any news for at least another hour.

The past few days had been incredible, with Harry staying at Grimmauld with him, just the two of them. Remus had dropped by once or twice for a visit, and Andi had come by to hash out Harry's defense, but for most of the day it was just the two of them connecting over the odd glass of butterbeer or even some stronger stuff (he had to corrupt his godson somehow!)

He was broken out of his reverie by the wards pinging, as someone apparated outside. He walked quickly to the curtains and peeked out onto an empty street. He looked around for a few seconds before he heard the front door open, and he realized they must have apparated directly onto the front stoop. While it certainly cut down on the number of possible people who it could be, there were very few, even in that limited number, he actually wanted to see.

He resumed his pacing in front of the fireplace, but kept one eye on the door to the parlor.

When it eventually opened, admitting one barmy bastard, Sirius just ignored him. The Headmaster had sentenced Sirius to the worst two months of his life, not counting those years in Azkaban. But perhaps they _were_ even worse because he was still fresh from those tortuous years, when he was stuck in this house without any sort of help getting over his demons.

Dumbledore simply watched him make a few passes before he spoke. "Sirius, where is Harry? I had asked him to wait for me before he left, but there's only you and me in the house right now. Did he go ahead? Or is he over at the Burrow? We don't want to be late to the trial…"

Sirius actually stopped his pacing for a second before resuming. "The trial started nearly 10 minutes ago Dumbledore. If you didn't want him to be late, you're running awfully behind schedule. I'm waiting for any news. You can stay if you're quiet, or you can bugger off." Dumbledore had rapidly paled, before turning and nearly running out the door.

A second later, he heard the *pop* of apparition outside, and he continued his pacing again.

After what felt like several hours, a swirl of green flames erupted in the fireplace as Tonks stumbled out. Sirius, who had been curled up off to the side in his mutt form, eagerly leapt forward, and Tonks had to deal with an over eager dog the size of a small lion for several moments, before she got it through his head to transform back.

As soon as he was human once more, he began bombarding her with questions pertaining to the trial.

"How did it go? Is Harry alright? They didn't snap his wand, right? Is he still a wizard? Oh god, why aren't you answering? Did he lose? Oh god, oh god, oh god, he lost, oh Merlin…"

"Woah, woah there Sirius! Harry didn't lose!" Tonks grabbed his shoulder and shook it till he looked in her eyes. "Harry is totally fine. He was given a total pardon, before Mum started in on the fat pink toad whose signature was apparently on the order for dementors that had been sent from Azkaban. Some undersecretary trying to advance her standing with the Minister, or something." She laughed a little. "Dumbledore actually walked in right as she was being escorted out. He said something along the lines of it being unfortunate he wouldn't see her come fall. Do you think she was supposed to be the next Defense Professor? Cause that would have been a sight to see."

Sirius had stopped listening after he heard Harry had gotten off scot-free, and was literally vibrating in place now, anxious for his godson to come home.

"Where is he? You said he was free, but why did you come back without him? Is he being held up by someone?"

Tonks shook her head. "Dumbledore took him to the Burrow. Said it was time he spent some time with his friends." As soon as she said this, every muscle in Sirius' body visibly stilled. Tonks' Auror haunches were suddenly on guard as she was reminded just why everyone believed Sirius really could have killed those muggles.

"He did what." Sirius ice cold tone matched his eyes, frozen and locked onto his cousin's.

Never before had Tonks truly considered Sirius a dangerous man. A little odd, sure, maybe a touch insane, but who wouldn't be after almost 12 years in Azkaban. But seeing him standing there, every line in his body screaming 'danger!', it was impossible not to see the renowned warrior that Sirius had been.

"Sirius, I'm going to need you to calm down." She casually flicked her wand into her hand, but kept it pointed down. "You don't have any say in what Harry does, and if the Headmaster thinks he should spend some time with his friends, who are you to deny that?" Sirius' hair and beard started to look more and more like haunches, and his teeth seemed to become more and more pointed.

"I'm his fucking _godfather_ , that's why I think I have a fucking say!" Sirius ground out between clenched teeth. "And bloody fucking Dumbleshit can shove it, if he thinks that he can tell me what to do." He began stalking toward the fireplace. "If Harry can't come back here, then I'll go there."

He was drawn up short by the wand in his face.

"I can't let you just go, Sirius. Not defenseless." She flipped her wand around and held it out to him. It took a moment for him to realize what she said, but he quickly took the wand and made for the fireplace. Before he made it all the way to it though, the roar of incoming floo drew him up short, and when a raven-haired teen came hurtling out, he was almost too slow to catch him.

"Harry!?" Sirius helped the boy to his feet, and gave him a twice over, making sure everything was alright. He absentmindedly vanished the soot from the fire. "What are you doing here? Weren't you at the Burrow? I was just on my way over there," he took a breath. "I- I understand if you'd rather spend the rest of the summer over there, this house can be pretty grim. If, well, if you'd like, I could have Snuffles spend the break over there with you?"

Harry shook his head. "Of course not! I know how annoyed you were by them, I don't want to subject you to that. And I'd much rather spend time with you than be stifled by Molly and stalked by Ginny." A frown appeared. "To be honest, Padfoot, I can't seem to understand that girl. First, she likes me, than she starts going through a guy a month. She certainly doesn't seem hung up on me anymore, but then I'll start talking to her at dinner or something and she blushes and scurries off." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Girls, huh?"

Sirius simply nodded sagely, agreeing with the profound mystery that had been so acutely summed up.

He was brought up short by two sharp whacks to the back of his head, delivered by the mother-daughter pair which Sirius hadn't noticed or had forgotten was present.

He turned around and shot them a sheepish look, before he escorted Harry out of the parlor. Tonks and her mother merely shook their heads and followed them.

* * *

 _As the morning sun poured into the room, Sirius found himself wishing he could pause time, even for just a moment. He would give anything to make this second, this minute, this hour, last for just a little bit longer._

 _He turned his attention from the sunbeams coming through the window, back to the cause of his joy._

 _Lily. In his bed. With her arms wrapped around his chest, hair a mess, and a little bit of drool pooling on his shoulder. If he was a betting man, he would have given up any jackpot just to see her like this every morning. If he was a drinking man, he would have gone stone cold sober to keep this woman in his arms._

 _An instant, or maybe an hour, passed too quickly, and he felt Lily begin to stir._

 _He gently kissed her_ forehead, _and held her a little tighter._

 _"Morning_ luv _," the unabashed passion in his voice left little to interpret in his endearment. "How are you feeling?"_

 _Lily opened her eyes_ slowly, _but didn't look up at him. Instead, her eyes began to dart around the room, before turning to look at her situation in bed._

 _"Lily-love? Everything alright?" Sirius' tone began to be colored by a touch of concern._

 _The redhead still didn't answer. Sirius' stomach began to drop._

 _"Lily?"_

 _He started to loosen his hold on her, and she slipped to the side of the bed, facing away from him. Now all his fears began to take hold._

 _Sirius got onto his knees behind Lily, his hands hovering just above her shoulders, before dropping. His face began to fall, as he jerkily moved in front of her, and got down on his knees once more._

 _He gently took one of her hands in his own, earnestly searching her downturned face, hoping beyond any hope, that maybe she would turn to him once more, and everything would go back to the wonderous, breathtaking joy he had just had._

 _"Lily, I-" his voice broke, as she almost gently pulled her hand from his. His face crumpled, and he sunk to the floor. She got_ up, _and began to get dressed. Before he realized it, she was nearly out the door._

 _"Wait! Lily, please! Can't y-" his outstretched hand fell, and he turned his face away._

 _A broken croak. "Can you at least tell me why?"_

 _For the first time that morning, Lily looked into his pleading eyes, and something in her broke. She knew exactly what this would do to him, and yet somehow she couldn't stop. She was married goddammit, even if her husband didn't act like it. She refused to fall to his level, even if it meant hurting the one man she never, ever meant to hurt._

 _And yet here she was, walking away._

 _"I still love him, Sirius. Somehow, despite all the reasons why I should leave him, I can't do it. There is still something in me, that can't let go of him. It will never be the same now, and I don't know if I will ever love him how I used to, but I can't just let it go. I'm sorry Sirius. Goodbye."_

 _And she walked away._

 _The two of them never spoke of that night. But there was always something, extra, whenever Sirius gave Lily a hug, or when Lily kissed him on the cheek goodnight. It would never be the same between them._

 _Lily went back to James, and the prat did eventually apologize. He grew up, became a better man and husband. And a few months later, Lily announced she was pregnant. Lily told Sirius personally, one day at one of their_ meet ups _. And if there was a spark of something in his eyes, some barely half-formed question or hope, it was immediately quashed by the shake of Lily's head, and the pity in her eyes._

 _Sirius found he hated pity._

 _From that moment forward, he had resolved to never let anyone find a reason to pity him again, and he once more took up the reputation of a rogue and a player. He bought and enchanted an old motorcycle, and he quickly became even more reckless in his job._

 _And all the while, the Potter's became the picture of the ideal family. No mention of Michelle Cooper ever came up, and with a baby on the way, they quickly began renovations of the Godric's Hollow house, which they chose to do the muggle way, at Lily's insistence. They babyproofed everything and turned one of the spare bedrooms into a charming little nursery. Sirius helped with painting whenever he had time, and he provided several beautiful pieces of woodworking to serve as a toy chest, a changing table, and an elegant (if simple) wardrobe charmed to have moving carvings acting out an old Muggle story._

 _And when Harry is born, Sirius was named Godfather, at the insistence of Lily, to James' surprise. He instantly agrees, just glad that there wouldn't be an argument._

 _And all too soon, the Potters went into hiding._

 _Then that night._

* * *

A few days later, everything had started to settle down once more.

After another long Order Meeting, Harry and Sirius were enjoying the return of peace and quiet.

Sirius looked up at his godson, deep into his emerald green eyes, and paused.

"You know, Harry? You look a lot like your father, but your eyes-" Sirius broke off.

Harry gave a half-hearted grin, "Yeah, I know. My mother's eyes. I look like dad, but I've got mum's eyes." Harry sent a strained smile back to Sirius.

Sirius shook his head. "Yeah, you've got her eyes, but I was also going to say spirit. Harry, think about what you've been through. Just like your mom, you stand here unbroken and unbowed by the weight of the world which has been thrust upon you."

Harry looked up through his shaggy hair, at his equally shaggy godfather. "Thanks Sirius."

He just shook his head and gave Harry a grim smile. "I love you kiddo. I need you to know that. Hell, you're practically all the decent family I've got left, if you don't count Tonks and her mum."

Harry leaned across the dining table and grabbed Sirius' hand. "You're my family too, Padfoot." He tightened his grip a little, causing Sirius to look him in the eyes. "Hermione, Ron, hell, the whole Weasley clan, they're all fantastic. But they all have their own families, and as close as I might be to their hearts, I'll never be one of them. You and I, we're survivors, and we need to stick together."

This time, a real smile appeared on Sirius' face, and he leaned back. Suddenly, he was up and moving around the kitchen. He pulled down two dusty goblets, and a bottle from the back of a cabinet above the sink.

He walked back to the table, and put down the goblets in front of Harry, and then sat down across from him once more. He took the goblets and wiped them off briefly with the hem of his robes, before uncorking the bottle.

He poured a generous helping into both goblets, which started to burn when it hit open air.

"An old bottle of Firewhiskey, nearly as old as I am. I think it's about time I told you about your parents."

* * *

 **Hey, Thanks for reading, and please let me know what you thought. I can only get better if you tell me what you liked or didn't.**


End file.
